Three mice, one from Dallas, one from San Antonio and one from Houston are sitting at a bar after the funeral of an Amarillo mouse killed by an eighty year old lady with a broom, trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The Dallas mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the San Antonio mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The San Antonio mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the Dallas mouse and replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The Dallas and San Antonio mouse then turn to the Houston mouse. The Houston mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long sigh and says to the two, "I don't have time for this bull----. Gotta go home and have sex with the cat."